break a leg…… no not goodluck…… I mean literally

Didn’t I tell you earlier that this is just not my year??? Well now I have the latest cherry on my cake of enormous misfortunes. I fractured my legs…….. yes both of them…… right ankle and left leg ligament. The doc was KIND enough to put a crepe on the left and a cast on the right. Result I am limping and CRIBBING in caps and bold.

If I had earlier said that my uncles and dad were bad patients I am the patient-zilla if there was one…… basically anybody’s nightmare of what a patient could be. I am venting all my frustrations of the past days on innocent people and really torturing them to the extent that my Ma and dad have almost disowned me, my niece is terrified of me, neighbors are knocking my door, asking me what is wrong and giving me sympathetic looks, as for hubs he has already threatened to gag and tie me up and sleep if I utter another word.

As for the doc he has already doped me and has told me in no uncertain terms that if I again argue with him or even mention P of prosthetics and ask him the merits of cast over crepe or even hint it he will add arsenic to the dope….. He is rude to the extent that yesterday he asked me to go and get off the cast and let him in peace!!! He said some people don’t like the color Pink!!! what a bloody comparison….. pink is my favorite color and prosthetic is the thing that I hate!!!

These days everybody I meet regale me with horror stories about their tryst with prosthetics and I am not amused. I am getting more and more claustrophobic. The other day when I was continuously chanting that I am not getting enough oxygen, hubs actually drew the composition of air for me and reminded me precisely that the cast was on my foot not on my nose or mouth…… all this at 2:30 at night with my ma and sister sincerely by my side trying to calm me. Mothers and sisters are really great people. He was trying to reason with a person in pain. As for me I haven’t slept in some time now!!! I remember the horrified look on Ma’s face when I came home with the cast. The last time I saw her like that was when I broke my head and came home in all kinds and shapes of bandages.

Can you believe it I was not even run down by a truck or bus. I was carrying Ma and dad’s luggage to the car when the heavy bag got the better of me and my ankles twisted and one broke and the other had a ligament tear…… JUST LIKE THAT!!!! Simple me……. I always thought that bones were the hardest part of the human body.

I was taken to the ER and there X-rays confused the attending doctor so much that it was actually amusing. There was an already broken heel (spurr) and the doctor repeatedly asked me if my heel was paining. She did that for two hours before I screamed asking to get my doctor down there. I told her it was the ankle but she wouldn’t let go off the heel. Apparently the heel was also broken some time back and I did not know about it…… thank god for that!!! so now I have a broken ankle and previously broken toes and even a spurr in the heel…… In short my right foot is mangled!!!! Can the year get any better and there still are six more months of torture to endure!!!

The plus point is that there is peace in all fronts. I am totally surrounded by my family and am enjoying it. My niece and whole family have made a very cute graffiti on the cast and it looks kinda cute. (as usual pics later) I will probably go home to Pune to complete the rest of the casting period…… Mumbai is very hot and the sweating in the cast is making me MAD and itchy!!! but do I have to break a leg or get sick every time I want peace???? a very expensive ordeal I must say!!! but right now I am praying…… praying real real hard that I complete my term with the cast because every night all I can think and dream of are ways and means to tear it off……..

Right now hubs is trying real hard to divert my mind and think positively of the ways and means to spend this real long self imposed holiday at home and keep my mind off completely demolishing my beloved cast……… nope not mine……… the doctor’s beloved cast!!! or being optimistic may be it is God’s version of wishing me  good luck!!! Is God learning american slang????

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