Fear

Warning : Another depressing post!!! Happy people don’t read it !!!

If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost.

Lloyd Cassel Douglas.

Life has a very strange way of confronting you with stuff that you wish to run away from. Sometimes I spend days, months and even years running away from it but they always have an uncanny way of coming back right on and glaring you in the eye saying “I DARE YOU”.

My first lesson in life was always that I should not fear anyone or anything. I learned that lesson in fact lapped it up real quick. I always thought that I would fear no one in spite of the fact that I feared some stuff and avoided the others I was never really clear about. I took life head on!!! I was also named fearless by close friends and family.

Life took away even that one attribute from me. I wont say that I am a faint heart today but I definitely avoid stuff that I cant handle rather than take it head on and tackle it, the list of which is increasing day by day. Consequentially the more I run the more they follow me.

It is not that I can’t take it head on. I can……. but over a period of time the number of people associated with me have increased. It is always that I wish to refrain hurting one or the other. I sometimes feel so damn tied down and really wish to say I give a damn!!! and just do what I feel like. Believe me I am capable actually more than capable but I just don’t want to hurt people around me. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have all this baggage and life had not changed. I hadn’t grown older and didn’t feel like I was 70 or 80 years of age!!!

C‘est la vie!!!

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