Bolo Durga Mai ki……. JOY

“Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, and love like you’ve never been hurt.”

That is what my facebook fortune cookie said today morning. Amazing start to the day.

Back from my trip to Kolkata, I had precisely two hours to SETTLE and immediately had to get on with the backlog of work that had accumulated since my holiday and since there has been no stop…… But I am glad I had the opportunity to pause for a few days before resuming

The highlights have been my detoxification from internet…….. which was looooong overdue and I am glad to say that I am finally successful. I am no longer obsessed with the net and have other things in life besides virtual friends…. like real people for a change. I finally made real friends and am catching up with lots of others over cups of tea and coffee. Personal interaction is making me happy……. the pain also seems very less…….. guess I finally found a way to cope with the arthritis. It does come back, but I think acceptance relieves the pressure and after one full year I feel as though I am finally back for good……. Hubby thinks I have my eyes back which should be something because Ma commented that they are cloudy all the time these days.

My Degree college students are good….. really good and it is intellectually stimulating to think beyond the box and do things…….. boring things in a new way….. that makes it challenging. My Diploma class is lacking and I am having to go to the basics. Considering that I don’t have much time with them and they the fact that are expecting miracles, I am not so sure about achieving this. I am putting in my best and keeping my fingers crossed for the rest.

The rest is just ordinary and…… THE USUAL.

I met my previous batch and it was so good to see them again….. MY KIDS!!!

Today in the degree college I lost my temper. I don’t like losing my temper. It takes out any kind of energy that I possess and in the end I am totally drained out and tired. It so happened that the degree college class has 50 students and 99% of them are Malayalees. These women are constantly chattering and when it is in Malayalam……. it is like somebody is doing a remake of BREATHLESS….. no full stop, no comma. It is like sparrows lots and lots of them chattering into your ear non-stop. I can almost feel the sound of it vibrating inside my ears and my brain….. going from the cerebrum to the cerebellum to the medulla oblongata…… to the auditory area then coming back to the temporal lobe and then back again. I could feel every single piece of my brain. Then I lost it and threw the chalk in hand on one girl…… no damage…… SHE SMILES and puts out her tongue but the others continue!!! (secret: nobody noticed but after that I reached for the duster…… now that would have been something…… you would have all seen me in the newspapers and the news channels).

Nobody listened and I was back to square one. I soon realised that it was a question of Patience and that I should be more tolerant so I instead I decided to do something constructive.…... one word…… one single word….. it got me total silence…. EXTEMPORE!!!! hehehehehehehe

As they say “Don’t get mad……. GET EVEN

Tomorrow is the first day of Durga Puja. It is that time of the year when we await the coming of Durga Ma and everybody seems to be preparing for it. Because of Dida’s demise we wont be celebrating the festival this year. But I am really hoping to be able to go home even if only for a weekend.

When I was young, when Puja was just round the corner, we would suddenly have a lot of bengali songs being played at home and Ma humming to popular bengali numbers….. I guess she was homesick and remembered her days of Puja back in Kolkata with her family. Everybody tells me that they miss the Puja back at Kolkata and that it is very beautiful etc etc….. and usually they all end up getting nostalgic and reminiscing the sounds of Dhak and chanting of the Chandi. I have never been there or seen that so must be good!!!

Though I am not officially celebrating the festival, Ma and sisters have already bought me clothes……. so I have three new dresses for puja plus the ones I have bought for myself. I hope I am able to wear them for Puja. I havent been to Ma’s in months!!! Puja without Ma and Pa and sisters and their family is like totally SAD!!! Leaving you with the sounds of Dhak  and dhunuchi dance from youtube.

Happy Durga Puja and Navratri to all of you and your families!!!
May Ma Durga bring joy and happiness to one and all!!!

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Mother and Child

At home I met this whole flock of women who had come to meet me at a kind of get together after all I am almost the ninth wonder of the world. How many people you know break both their legs at the same time??? Well they didn’t take my autograph but I almost gave it to them!!! kidding!!!! They all meant well. Most of them friends or acquaintances. Yeah I was asked the question of why I don’t have kids again and again reminding me why I stopped socializing in the first place. In some cases the woman in question had met me just a month back and I had told her. I realized she was playing rude so I told her: “Didn’t I tell you last month”, now I am not her most favorite person.

Some women even came up with stuff that some people don’t like children and so on. So now along with being an antisocial element, I was also a kid hater. I mean who does not like kids. Small kids of all animals and humans are cute – babies, puppies, kittens even piglets!!! But nah I cant convince her of that she needs her masala gossip. So I decided to oblige her by keeping quiet!!!

One aspect stood out as a sore thumb. These women were all obsessed about their kids. I know I don’t have any, which my Ma reminds me does not qualify me to say anything about them.

The mothers clucked around their kids like the kids would disappear without them around and they kept telling my mother: “Oh my son does not like this…… he will only eat this”……. etc and even went around to making it for them. I mean you have come to see me with my broken legs and started a culinary trip for your son!!! Why cant that damn kid of yours eat what is available for a change?? Another exclaimed that it was time for her daughter to eat fruits and my Ma’s fridge was raided for fruits. So much eating !!! I almost forgot my legs.

The kids were pests in their own right. (They had come for the whole day) Every two hours they would start I am hungry and the mothers would get so worried as if the kid was going to die without the snack…….. she would rush to the kitchen and cook for her kid…… who would eat a morsel and then over……… throw the rest or the mother in question ate it up. The kids were either hungry or sleepy or whiny. If you are thinking that these kids are small………. well they are not…………… some of them as old as twelve to thirteen. All of them school going!!!!

One more aspect which distressed me most was the selfish attitude of one mother over the other. Since I was immobile and have restricted movement I was confined to wait in places for long duration of time……… especially with the house being full!!! I noticed one mother filling a bowl of food for her child and when another kid’s mother asked for the same she did not do it in the same way as for her own. Then the other kid’s mother came and filled the bowl herself………… Now you tell me what the hell was that??? They are all kids and all so called hungry kids so when u fill a bowl for your kid you can also do that for another kid in the same way???

Some kind of sick crappy selfish behavior towards kids at my mother’s expense at my mother’s house in front of me!!! Is this the new trend of child rearing??? because when I was a kid I don’t remember my mom doing that for me. I was pampered but this is SICK!!!! One kid likes begun bhaja so the mother piles the kid’s plate with so many begun bhajas that I seriously doubt if he can eat so many…….. even if he can what about the other kids??? Don’t they get to eat that at all just because one kid likes begun bhaja??? what the hell was this???

I used to go to Kolkata for my holidays when I was a kid. We were a joint family then. All of us kids sat to eat together 16-17 of us. If I liked a particular dish…….. I liked it……… thats it!!! If I asked for a second helping both my sisters pounced on me telling me that it would fall short and maybe somebody would not get to eat it at all. So I never asked!!!! I was small then 5 or 6 and my sisters between 13 and 15yrs. If we understood that then whats with these 30-40 year old women???

I was sick to the core and went into serious thinking. What are they teaching our next generation? One mother claimed that to survive one must be Chalu and she was teaching her daughter to be just that and boy was her daughter Chalu!!! She was the Pest of the year…… her mother’s creation. What can I say, I returned depressed and with a heavy heart giving a serious thought whether I wanted children after all?? I know these women from before…….. they were not like this so what happened??? Do all mothers become like that do they all do stuff like this??? Or was it just a one time bad dream??? So many of them……. all the same hard to believe it is a bad dream!!!!

I always felt that I was a non-whiner until I met a whiner and realized that I am just like him!!! I hate whiners and to think that I am just like that is depressing….. very very depressing. So lots of soul searching on the agenda.

Apart from that its me and the cast in the AC in Mumbai!!! I don’t care about punching holes in the ozone layer anymore!!!

BTW whats wrong with Mumbaikars why are they not praying………… it is HOTTTTT and no rains also power cuts!!! Pray people pray………… that’s all you have in hand!!!! remember Indra and Meneka???? and Dhir I am definitely NOT dancing with or without cast!!! and Kavi no praying for raining from heart……. we don’t want floods…….. JUST RAIN!!!

Job or Ego!!!

What is the big deal about a JOB!!! A job is a job. It is a means of procuring money for meeting the basic needs of yourself and the whole of your family. It isn’t some kind of personality altering thing. At least I don’t think so.

With recession doing its round lots of people all round are losing jobs. Some are frustrated because business establishments are suddenly on alert and making their employees work round the clock even though there is no work. They all know that nothing will be achieved by that but taking a cue from the recession, companies are throwing out employees they have wanted to throw out for a long time, whether or not they are doing well. So what is the big deal about telling somebody that you lost your job and asking them for help. After all aren’t we all working day and night for just that.

The reason I am raving and ranting about all of this is because a very good friend of mine just lost his job. After working for 13 years in the same establishment he suddenly found out that he has no job to go to and he never once told me about it until I asked and prodded and then he came out with it.

When somebody loses a job the first thing they do is look for another one and contact the most obvious person in the field. I am a recruiter and have been in this for more than a decade now and he does not tell me about it. In the past any of my friends ever needed a job they approached me and I definitely see that they get placed or at least help to send their resume to the right places but he does not do that. Reason :EGO!!! can you believe that!!!

What the hell is more important job or the bloody ego? I no longer have an idea. When I hear of it, I gather my already shattered nerves and I immediately pull my humble strings and start the process in motion but he does not send me his resume. I am appalled at his audacity. The man has five dependents on him including a baby and he is not bothered. When I put hubs into the picture he tells hubs that he has not taken a break for a very long time and needs a break.

I guess I got my priorities all wrong. I always thought that for a middle class person like me it was important to have a steady flow of income coming every month. Or maybe the Ego is more important than basic needs!!! The point is not that he did not approach me or that he did not send me his resume but the fact that he is so laid back in his attitude towards his responsibilities. All of us already in the corporate structure know that once we float our resume it takes more than two to three months sometimes even more to actually start work and a gap in the career at this juncture can be fatal but again that is my personal opinion. Whatever be the case I again fail to convince my friend that it is vital that he floats his resume……. but my words fall on deaf ears.

Guess unlike what I think “the Job” is not so important after all. Or maybe I am not such a good friend after all because my friend does not think he can approach me for help or maybe he thinks that I cant help him……. Hell that says a lot about me as a person and as a professional or may be I am more depressed than I think I am or my priorities are all mucked up!!!

The unending infinite loop

My life has lately become one hell of an unending loop. My days start with cleaning and cleaning and again the next day the house is dirty and again cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and then washing clothes-drying clothes-folding clothes and then the next lot is piled up and again washing clothes-drying clothes-folding clothes, cooking and again cooking and again cooking then eating again cooking and cooking and cooking, water plants-prune plants-spray plants and then again next day water plants-prune plants-spray plants, shopping (for veggies and fruits and grocery), gym, paying bills and then following up with this and then that and then the next-one-this and then next-one-that and then again this and again that. There is always something to order like a cylinder, update some software, a wrong billing or MTNL which is never working (which also means no net) or some investment going kaput or something else. Somebody falling sick….. Worry- worry-worry!!! As far as studying goes it is study-study-study recollect forget again study-study-study. In between all this I also have to talk to human beings like hubs and stinky maid and lots more and be good to all of them. I am sure you get the gist.

I am living in some kind of an infinite loop which does not seem to end whatever I do. The monotony of it actually worked for me when I did not want to think. But it is catching up!!! It is like a program that keeps running itself again and again and again so much that try as I can I just can’t stop it. It is becoming so much of an effort lately. What I sincerely wish for is to climb some mountain all alone and just fade into oblivion and never come down again. Wishful thinking but then I guess I am entitled to it. I am badly STRESSED OUT and I sincerely want out of all this monotony!!! I wish that time would just stop…… just stop and never start again and I wouldn’t have to repeat the loop again for another day would mean same ritual again and again and again.

You won’t believe how many times I have hung up on people yesterday and how many times I have banged the phone down especially in case of any junk calls. I am sure Club Mahindra people almost burst their ear drums yesterday. I am just not able to take shit from people anymore……. saturated to the core and nothing seems to be helping. The worst story of all is that you have to be sweet and nice to people when you are actually seething inside.

And can you believe this my holiday. Can you believe it what will happen to me when my work actually starts? I am going to be KILLED. I live like a machine and believe me I am living a laid back life compared to so many other women who also have to take care of children and have no help and mind you all of them put in 12 hours of work at office 4 hours of traveling to and fro and then all the paraphernalia of housework and children’s studies and also listening to their stories. This is just part of the Cosmo life. But somehow I just can’t seem to cope.

Guess I am just a weak cause!!!

My MAY comeback!!!

Hey guys I’m back!!! Guess I use this statement more often as I keep making comebacks. Especially because I seem to do the disappearing act more often than necessary. So may be I should call this my MAY comeback!!! Because whether or not you believe me there are going to be lots more of the comebacks……. that is if I know myself even a little.

But finally I am free……. yes as free as a flamingo can get. I finished all my commitments…….. nope not the research that is going to take a hell lot of a time. Don’t really know whether i can achieve the impossible in this lifetime. I had a fallout with my guide so I am taking a chill pill on that front. Otherwise as far as my work is concerned I worked like a dog……. so much that I am currently having problems with my eyes and so I had to say no to a lot of assignments.

I don’t want to become blind at the cost of some corporate honcho fleecing me of my health!!! Can you believe it I worked 14 hours nonstop and still I was cut for QA and TAT and this is not the first time they have done this to me. The last time it was 72 hours non-stop with hardly any breaks…….. definitely no sleep. Last time there was also a spinal problem. Ma had to intervene because hubs was not able to convince me to stop. Ma just came and switched off the comp. I mean I know all about recession et al but fleecing people in the name of the obvious is disgusting!!!!

I went home for Akshay Tritiya. Dad and Ma were not feeling well. They are good now. I guess the illness was more psychological than anything else. We had a huge bash with Ma inviting ONLY 60 people. Normally the numbers touch three figures. All three of us pitched in. Bodidi cooked……. yeah she cooked single handedly for 60 people. The menu was fried rice, puri, matar paneer, chole, salad, and a sweet. The turnout came to more than the expected figure. We (Chodidi and me) cut veggies, made masalas, and all the other trivia. Ma had kept a haldi kumkum ceremony. It was good fun. Back like the old days. I honestly had a blast. The Kali bari Satsang were also all invited and they sang bhajans. I will post the pics and a very small video clip of the bhajans in Pink cloud.

Guess what…… Everytime I say that I get real weird options. My best friend comes up with stuff like you have a new flower or a new plant. You completed another painting. Hubs starts with “You have a new leaf” so on and so forth so I won’t keep you guessing. But ALL MY KIDS PASSED !!! Yeah it was euphoria time for me especially because I did not have to take an extra effort to pass them. I really love those kids. They had actually studied for the tests. I was mighty impressed by them. The highest was a whopping 84% and the least was 52%. I think that that is quite impressive for a language.

My latest and I must say greatest and prized possession currently is an inverter. The fact that I finally got dear hubs to agree to buy an inverter is actually really something. It is amazing to have electricity when there is none…….. specially working on the comp when there is no electricity and I don’t even have to keep looking at the watch. Non-stop music…….. fan running all the time!!!! blisssssss!!!!

Mumbai went to polls on the 30th. It was so distressing to find that even after all the political turmoil that we have witnessed in the past year the voting turnout was only 40%. Most of my friends also did not vote. Some did not have their names on the voting list and the others just took off for a holiday with their families…….. you know the kids have holidays and all that!!! How disgusting can we get? How can we give up on our Right to Vote? It is this fundamental right that makes us one of the most strongest nations in the world.

It is a constitutional right that we all chose to ignore. I expected more from Mumbai than this. The next time any mumbaikar cribs about anything to do with the political system beware of me!!! If I am around you will get a earful!!! Holidays are more important than exercising your fundamental right!!!

Well unlike the 60% who did not cast their votes……. I did use my fundamental right and then I went for a long overdue holiday!!! Where???? Believe me when we left home we had no idea. All we both knew was that we had 4 days of holiday and 4 days of unadulterated peaceful existence!!!

We just drove off and stopped at the first place we thought would be a good place to stop. I just wanted to be away from the stinky replacement of maid that I have, the precarious milkman, the dhobi, the house which seemed like more and more work and work and work and work!!!! I guess you get the gist of the feeling I want to express.

We checked into a Kamat motel at Karnala and slept……… I needed sleep so badly you have no idea how much. I hadn’t slept for something like months. I was toooo stressed out. After 36 hours of sleep we decided that we should head for the sea. So we went to Harihareshwar.

The sea is not clean there probably because of the oil refineries. But again I am comparing it to the sea in Goa or Bay of Bengal. Most of the stretch of the Arabian sea in and around Mumbai……. by that I mean Alibag, Kashid, Uran have oil sediment and if you really don’t clean up after you have been at it you will develop rashes. Not that I learn from past mistakes. But I did carry antihistamines with me and lotions……. so no sweat!!!

There was a little of water sports in the MTDC resort. So obviously I made a beeline for it and took a turn on the water scooter. I LOVED IT!!! I wish there was something of the sort close by. I love the feel of sea water on my face and the feel of dashing against the waves and the wind in my hair and the speed specially in high tide when the sea is rough even in the creeks.

Well, I did not have a hand in accelerating or steering. All you are given is a handle to hold but the guy who accompanies you keeps the control with himself. I can do anything to get the control with MOI!!! Lets not get into that because then we will embark on a whole new topic of me being a control freak and the times I tried to do things to throw the guy off.

Hey I have been driving a two wheeler for the last two decades since my legs could reach the brakes and gears. I know all the tricks of throwing people off my bike if not that at least trying to make them very uncomfortable and wary of me. But then I cant swim so I behaved. That didn’t stop the thoughts from crossing my mind.

I also got hubs to pose for me on the rocks in midst of a high tide and real choppy waters. Yes you guessed he got drenched to the core as a wave splashed him up real good. I did get quite a few very good shots of the sea there. All in all it was fun.

Harihareshwar is comparatively less developed than its other coastal counterparts but it was booked to the full. Guess everybody in Mumbai and Pune decided to take the opportunity for the break. I love unplanned holidays!!! I will post pics on pink cloud coz still have to upload it to the comp and pink cloud is kinda abandoned for sometime now.

So as of Monday I got back into the daily humdrum of my life albeit a slow one this time……. real slow and I want it to be this way for sometime……. I have earned every moment of it. I get back to gymming and my daily chores only very less computer and very less reading……. my eyes still need to get their break. So more time with my plants.

There is one difference whether or not I like it. It is the stinky replacement of my maid. Man she really stinks so much that I can’t be in the same room as her and note I don’t even call her the love of my life……… she does not even come anywhere to the love of my life. Resultant she gets away with murder. All the work is half done as I can’t show her how I want her to do it. Yes I CAN’T!!! she stinks too much!!!!

I can’t tell her lest if she abandons me I will be in a soup and I can’t find a replacement for a replacement.

Any suggestions????

of kinkies and idiosyncrasies!!!

Every few weeks or may be I should say months…… I encounter this feeling of things just getting out of hand and me losing grips of everything that I think is important to me. This is happening more this year than any other year of my life.

It very often starts with the love of my life…… my maid giving me trouble (in this case she has gone for a very long holiday), somebody invariably not feeling well (read dad and mom) and me running trying to find meaning to my existence as I am caught up between loyalties of staying put with hubs or running home. So as I continue my balance act on one leg in each boat I am confounded by situations….. in this case of people who talk of things which I must say are very irking to me. I consider emotional upheavals luxuries of life specially after I have faced situations of life and death. I consider some person talking vaguely about some emotional thing rather irritating specially when they additionally have a quiz competition of guess-what along with it.

So today a friend of mine mailed me talking in riddles about some stuff which I was vary of. I was waiting for some reports of my dad and was totally irritated by the objective test put before me. At other times I would have laughed along and joined in but today I was irritated and brushed it aside to concentrate on the more important things in life…… read dad’s report. Only to be called back by the friend to ask me why I had not answered and what did I think of it blah blah blah!!! Man was I pissed!!!!

This person is totally aware of my infamous anger but still he had to invite my wrath. Classic case of “Aa bail mujhe mar”. He was almost showing the red scarf…….. in this case a very very red double bed sheet to a very very very irritated bull and he was surprised when I lost it and very politely told him to lay off and do something useful. Some people just don’t take a hint!!! But guess what I deserve brownie points because I did not raise my voice, I did not sound rude and I did not even use the sarcastic note that I usually use…….. just plainly said to lay off and do something useful like digging like my uncles did…….. nope i did not suggest that but I really wanted to.

Now I guess I am going to have to face repercussions of this for a very long time to come. But honestly guys you don’t ask trivia to people with anger management problems. You steer clear of their path.

Talking of anger management guess what my very very cool headed hubs who never ever raises his voice also has anger management problems. Well he just bottles up and does not talk!!! So that means every body does have some or the other kinky habit……. and people blame me!!! I have a major cleanliness disorder and for every job that I do be it cooking or cleaning or……. anything. It is planned, timed, organised and conceptualised to the core, only then I can actually accomplish it flawlessly…….. otherwise in my ken it is a dissatisfying experience.

My maid can’t tolerate anything unorganized or cluttered so if I am not around she does more than she has to………. I so miss her!!!!

Hubs idiosyncrasies go beyond that. I have a habit of scribbling on my notebook when I am studying. Usually some flower in some corner of a page or some absolute work of art. I do that in all the official meetings when somebody goes on and on and on and does not stop and I have to appear attentive so I start drawing, painting and in some cases shading. Hubs cant stand that. Once he even tore a page that he was writing on because I had started to sketch on it. He says he cant think if somebody does that to his book or page. At other times you cant fold a book while reading it. You have to spread it out and then read!!! and you cant fold currency notes they have to be kept flat so much so that when I buy wallets for him I measure the contents with 500 and 1000 rupee notes. He even argues with bhajiwalas and rickshawwalas for torn notes.

My sister has to go to the kitchen of any household that she visits and she eventually starts cooking……. I call her cooker!!! she is so lost in any other room!!! My mom spends hours adorning the idols of the god’s with flowers. She hates it when she comes to my place because I have no flower bearing plants in my balcony…… the ones that are there don’t produce flowers everyday. My dad has a penchant for electric and hardware stuff. When he comes home or goes to any of my sister’s homes he ends up with some or the other electric component which is not working and sees to it that it works.

All in all I realized today that I am not so crazy after all and unless provoked quite sane. I also realized that everybody has their list of kinky’s. I am definitely going to list mine in another post but guess what I am not so abnormal after all. Some people sometimes look at me and make me feel that that I have developed unicorn like horn on my nose!!! Guess what everybody has a horn like me!!!

whats yours ??? what bugs you??? let me know !!!

Till then hoping that everything works out on home front and everybody becomes healthy and happy like before.

Take care

Ham he rahi pyar ke phir milenge chalte chalte!!! (yes I just saw SRK in RBJ)

See ya !!!

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