Three songs that are significant to you.

Music is the essence of all beings. We find music and rhythm in everything that we do. The birds chirping, the water falling, the sounds of cooking…… there is music all around as and in everything that we do. Music is a great mood uplifter for me. I can’t imagine my life without music. I would probably shrivel and die if I was denied music.

I was introduced to music at a very young age and since then my day has started with songs sung by my mother and ended with her humming a tune. Strangely my mother never required a source of music to listen to……. no iPod….. no stereo. Sometimes she would listen to the radio as she went about her daily chores….. but that was about it. I was introduced to a rather serious form of music….. Hindustani classical. It was supposed to fine tune my voice after which I was supposed to have branched into Rabindra Sangeet. I didn’t go that far as to become a maestro but enough to understand the delicacy and movements in music. I simply didn’t have the commitment and discipline required for the training….. but music remained my passion. My choice of music is eclectic. I can be happy listening to pop or disco and be equally comfortable listening to a rendition of  Raga bhimpalasi.

I am an Indian so my choice of songs will essentially be Hindi or Bengali the language that I am comfortable with.  I love so  many songs that I am not able to decide which one to put up. The crazy thing is that the top ten on my charts keep changing so often that I really can’t keep track of it.

So I am going to go with my first song being my all time favorite. Its a song by Pankaj Udhas from the album “Aman” : Song is Abhi ghar na jana.….. This song gets me nostalgic every time I hear it. This song is something of a blast from the past that I have not been able to shake off till date. I don’t know whether it is the slow tempo or the lyrics or maybe the piano used as the main musical instrument…… the song always has me in a sort of nostalgic and melancholy mood. I remember when I first heard the song I was in college and I must have replayed the song a hundred times.  The song really has no significance just that it is a beautiful piece of music by a great singer that I had come to adore. The music is light and it is soothing to hear. The lyrics are meaningful and there isn’t much as far as instruments….. just a piano.  I am posting the video of the same. (Courtesy You Tube)

 

The second song that I chose came to my mind as soon as I read the post. It is a very strange choice of music. It is a bhajan by Saint Kabir. Why it was my choice I wouldn’t be able to tell…… just that it was something my mother left in some corner of my mind. My mother would often sing this song. More often than I can remember. It made quite an impact on me. (Courtesy : YouTube )

LYRICS

Maati Kahe Kumhar Se, Tu Kya Rundhe Mohe
Ek Din Aisa Ayega, Main Rundhungi Tohe…

Aaye Hai So Jayenge Raaja Rank Fakir
Ek Sinhaasan Chadh Chale, Ek Bandhe Janjir
Durbal Ko Naa Satayiye, Jaaki Maati Hoye
Bina Jeev K Shwas So, Loha Basam Ho Jaye…

Chalti Chakki Dekh Ke, Diya Kabira Roye
Do Patan Ke Bich Me, Sabut Bacha Naa Koi
Dukh Me Sumiraan Sab Kare, Sukh Me Kare Naa Koi
Jo Dukh Me Sumiran Kare, To Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye…

Patta Tuta Dal Se, Le Gayi Pawan Udaye
Ab Ke Bichade Kab Milenge, Door Padenge Jaye
Kabir Aap Thagiye, Or Na Thagiye Koi
Aap Thage Sukh Upaje, Aur Thage Dukh Hoye

TRANSLATION

Clay asks potter why do you knead me
one day it will be my turn to knead you
( it refers to the day when the potter will be dead and would be buried in ground).

Everyone who is born will die some day, be it a  king or a poor man.
one goes on a throne and another one goes with chains on its body.
Don’t harass the weak, there is a lot of power in curses.
just like a lifeless dhokni can melt a strong thing like iron. 
( Dhokni is a hollow cylindrical tube used to blow air in furnace to make it hotter) 

On seeing the grinding stone (which grinds the flour), Kabir cries
nobody can survive between the two stones of karma and family 
Everyone remembers god in bad times, no one remembers god in good times.
if you remember god in good times, then you would never have bad times .

A leaf  falls off the branch and is carried away by the wind
Now that they have got separated who knows when they will meet
Kabir says don’t con others and don’t get conned by others as well ,                
You cant con anybody and get away with it.

The third song is by Frank Sinatra “My Way“. I love all his songs but this one especially for the lyrics. He kind of talks about my motto in life. I love the song simply because it is a very meaningful song and a very beautiful rendition.  I identify myself with the song and the way he has sung it. He has encompassed his whole life in the song. It is a beautiful composition. (Courtesy : YouTube)

Happy Sashti !!!!

Today is Sashti and my entire family sans me and hubs is at the temple taking the blessings of Ma. I wish that for today I had my wish of becoming a flamingo!!!

I pray that Ma grants all of you and your family peace, health and happiness !!!

I have no memories about Basanti Puja because it is my first time.

I have these lapses in my life wherein every six months I get full-to and totally spiritual. I call it lapse because that is what it was…… though I always wish that it was a permanent fixture in my life. It has nothing to do with the fact that it is Puja time. It could be with the happenings in my life which reach rock bottom every six months and the fact that I lose hope very soon.

Whatever the reason it gives me back my focus in life. I am able to get more organized and methodical. I wish I wouldn’t have to wait for calamities to take charge of my life but alas I am as bull headed as you can get. So coward me…… I take recourse to spirituality whenever the going gets tough.

I wouldn’t call myself a very religious person because I am not ritualistic even on my bad days. I have often wondered about the requirement of being ritualistic. Are rituals necessary??? Someone once told me it is!!!…… to give a certain discipline to religion. As for me discipline is one word not found in my dictionary and I truly hate the mundanity of routine (if there is a word such as mundanity)……. so try as I can I cant turn myself into a ritualistic freak much to the chagrin of my mother who spends hours everyday adorning the idols with flowers and clothes and ornaments and reading spiritual texts. As for me I am also illiterate as far as scriptures are concerned and my knowledge goes as far as amar chitra kathas.

I believe that there is a god in all of us and there is a god beyond the universe. Connect the two and you will find fireworks that no amount of chemicals put together can create. The trick is to sacrifice ego and self…… if you know what I mean…….. let go!!!!

Apparently that is also the way vedant describes the way to attain supreme and sublime feeling. My Ma believes it is a shortcut. Well it works for me and anything that works for me is OK. I am lazy to the core…… I dont think I will last even one day of the methodical ways of spirituality.

Talking of laziness…… now that my Jethu is fine as of today morning and so is dad as of today and hubs, and finally peace reigns in my abode, I will return to gymming.

Multitasking is not one of my strong traits. I can concentrate on only three things at a time. Only three!!! I can juggle between one-two-three not more. At the end of it I get totally drained out and tired. Right now it is health (everybody’s), work and home!!! Today the health is on its own so the gym can take its place.

So UNhappy gymming (I can never be happy gymming!!! You have to sweat it out remember) for me and all of you take care!!!!

Just another day 2 (poetry)

hey there !!!

Yesterday’s work-out session left me totally drained so much that I had to resort to analgesics to sleep. Oblivion came much much later at 1:00 in the night……. that’s when hubs finally returned. Since both of us seemed to be burning the candle in both ends……. and I have the option to take it slow…… I decided to do just that. I am taking a holiday today and going to do fullto chilling today. Hubs is working for more that 18 hours these days. He only comes home to sleep…… not to my liking I must say…….. so I am getting him to take a break as well…….. that will be on Mahashivratri. I will be fasting that day.

Yesterday, at the gym, there was this lady who works out with me…… she is older…… around fifties. She refused to do shoulder press because her biceps were getting hard. I mean that’s the reason why we are all there. The way she said it, had me in complete splits. I could not stop laughing whole of yesterday. Even yesterday when I was relating the incident to hubs I was laughing in spite of both my heads throbbing (that’s what it felt that I had two heads).

Poetry……. you can either hate it or love it. I have rarely seen people be indifferent to poetry. Poetry is the language of the soul…….. it comes from the heart to rest in your soul until you attain the feeling of bliss. I know a lot of people who absolutely hate poetry so much that when you mention the word itself it gives them the jitters. A very good friend of mine was just that. How much ever I tried to make poetry interesting to him…… it just would not make sense to him. I would recommend all the best of poetry ever written to him but naaaah I could not change his ideas about poetry.

As for me I used to dabble in poetry when I was in college. In fact, the inspiration for romantic poetry would come to me in the most unromantic of situations…… for e.g. I wrote some of the best bits in Nanwani’s (whom we had nicknamed Dragon) business Administration lecture. I am not so good though……. but like to write. These days I have lost it. I cant see anything poetic around me so I resort to the likes of Shakespeare, Wordsworth and Shelley. I find them more satisfying than anything I have ever written…… I even have a blog totally dedicated to everything that is pink and rosy in life.

The reason I am raving and ranting about poetry is that yesterday I was teaching my kids poetry appreciation and man it was the most disgusting experience at first, with all of them yawning and almost going off to sleep……. so I tried to hit on their nerve with romance…… Shakespeare…….. That worked for a few who looked wide eyed at me but the cynical ones did not move……… Ultimately I decided to use my bramhastra….. the ultimate weapon…….. story telling!!! Theodre Tilte and Anabelle woke one and all. Everybody woke up and it was again the same euphoric feeling. I love the eyes of innocence. I just cant have enough of it. The wide-eyed innocent look is so amazing I just cant get enough of it. Ultimately when I was doing Lochinvar they were all awake and were even contributing!!!! Even Rudyard Kipling got to them. Amazing na !!!!I ended yesterday with Owl and the pussy cat and they all left smiling.

My kids actually love poetry after all!!!!

It was so important for me to get them to share my love for poetry that I had to take this extra mile. On bleak days when nothing really works……. Poetry warms the soul. It gives you hope….. the strength for a new beginning. It is inspiring…… it is funny….. it makes you cry……. it makes you awe struck…. it is the language of the heart….. a place where every thing is pure. Poetry is a whole world by itself!!!!

For people who hate poetry………. You dont have any idea what you are missing in life!!!!

Shraddhaprana mataji attains mahasamadhi

My aunt left yesterday….. She will be reaching today at the crack of dawn in Manchester to be re-united with her son and daughter-in-law….. while I am left with memories of her stay with me!!! I am so going to miss her!!! and now I will be back to my “disla ga bai disla”

Another bad happening for me is that my guru, the president of the Sarada mission Shraddhaprana mataji…. attained mahasamadhi. She initiated me and hubby together into the ramkrishna-sarada mission and the spiritual way of life. This is proving to be a year of losses. Today is the bhandara our last day of paying our respects to our guru.

I wasn’t very close to her and apart from some brief meetings with her I don’t have much…… but today I regret that had I made more effort I would have been able to spend more time with her. All I have today is some brief sermons that I have heard from her. She was from the first batch of woman sanyasins initiated into the sarada mission.You will find her brief biography here.

I honestly don’t have much to write about her. Her biography says it all.

I close today with the sanskrit slok:

Om Purnamadah Purnamidam
Purnat Purnamudachyate
Purnasya Purnamadaya
Purnamevavashishyate
Om Shantih Shantih Shantihi

WHY I AM A HINDU – A MUST READ

One of my friends sent me the following article. It was so true of hinduism and my belief in my religion that I just had to post it. I have no idea about the author of this article but whoever wrote it has described the religion very beautifully. I wanted to share it with one and all so I decided to post it on my blog.

Four years ago, I was flying from JFK NY Airport to SFO to attend ameeting at Monterey , CA.

An American girl was sitting on the right side, near window seat. It indeed was a long journey – it would take nearly seven hours. I was surprised to see the young girl reading a Bible quite unusual of young Americans. After some time she smiled and we had few acquaintances talk. I told her that I am from India.

Then suddenly the girl asked: ‘What’s your faith?’

‘What?’ I didn’tunderstand the question.

‘I mean, what’s your religion? Are you a Christian? Or a Muslim?’

‘No!’ I replied, ‘I am neither Christian nor Muslim’. Apparently she appeared shocked to listen to that.

‘Then who are you?’

‘I am a Hindu’, I said.

She looked at me as if she was seeing a caged animal. She could not understand what I was talking about. A common man in Europe or US knows about Christianity and Islam, as they are the leading religions of the world today. But a Hindu, what was that?

I explained to her – I am born to a Hindu father and Hindu mother. Therefore, I am a Hindu by birth.

‘Who is your prophet?’ she asked.

‘We don’t have a prophet,’ I replied.

‘What’s your Holy Book?’

‘We don’t have a single Holy Book, but we have hundreds and thousands of philosophical and sacred scriptures,’ I replied.

‘Oh, come on at least tell me who is your God?’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Like we have Jesus and Muslims have Allah – don’t you have a God?’

I thought for a moment. Muslims and Christians believe one God (Male God) who created the world and takes an interest in the humans who inhabit it. Her mind is conditioned with that kind of belief. According to her, (or anybody who doesn’t know about Hinduism) a Religion needs to have one Prophet, one Holy book and one God. The mind is so conditioned and rigidly narrowed down to such a notion that anything else is not acceptable. I understood her perception and concept about faith. You can’t compare Hinduism with any of the present leading religions where you have to believe in one concept of God.

I tried to explain to her: ‘You can believe in one god and he can be a Hindu. You may believe in multiple deities and still you can be a Hindu. What’s more – you may not believe in god at all, still you can be a Hindu. An atheist can also be a Hindu.’

This sounded very crazy to her. She couldn’t imagine a religion so unorganized, still surviving for thousands of years, even after onslaught from foreign forces.

‘I don’t understand but it seems very interesting. Are you religious?’

What can I tell to this American girl?

I said: ‘I do not go to temple regularly. I do not make any regular rituals. I have learned some of the rituals in my younger days. I still enjoy doing it sometimes.

‘Enjoy? Are you not afraid of God?’

‘God is a friend. No – I am not afraid of God. Nobody has made any compulsions on me to perform these rituals regularly.’

She thought for a while and then asked: ‘Have you ever thought of converting to any other religion?’

‘Why should I? Even if I challenge some of the rituals and faiths in Hinduism, nobody can convert me from Hinduism. Because, being a Hindu allows me to think independently and objectively, without conditioning. I remain as a Hindu never byforce, but choice.’

I told her that Hinduism is not a religion, but a set of beliefs and practices. It is not a religion like Christianity or Islam because it is not founded by any one person or does not have an organized controlling body like the Church or the Order, I added. There is no institution or authority.

‘So, you don’t believe in God?’ she wanted everything in black and white.

‘I didn’t say that. I do not discard the divine reality. Our scripture, or Sruthis or Smrithis – Vedas and Upanishads or the Gita – say God might be there or he might not be there. But we pray to that supreme abstract authority (Para Brahma) that is the creator of this universe.’

‘Why can’t you believe in one personal God?’

‘We have a concept – abstract – not a personal god. The concept or notion of a personal God, hiding behind the clouds of secrecy, telling us irrational stories through few men whom he sends as messengers, demanding us to worship him or punish us, does not make sense. I don’t think that God is as silly as an autocratic emperor who wants others to respect him or fear him.’

I told her that such notions are just fancies of less educated human imagination and fallacies, adding that generally ethnic religious practitioners in Hinduism believe in personal gods. The entry level Hinduism has over-whelming superstitions too. The philosophical side of Hinduism negates all superstitions.

‘Good that you agree God might exist. You told that you pray. What is your prayer then?’

‘Loka Samastha Sukino Bhavantu. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti,’

‘Funny,’ she laughed, ‘What does it mean?’

‘May all the beings in all the worlds be happy. Om Peace, Peace, Peace.’

‘Hmm ..very interesting. I want to learn more about this religion. It is so democratic, broad-minded and free’ she exclaimed.

‘The fact is Hinduism is a religion of the individual, for the individual and by the individual with its roots in the Vedas and the Bhagavad-Gita. It is all about an individual approaching a personal God in an individual way according to his temperament and inner evolution – it is as simple as that.’

‘How does anybody convert to Hinduism?’

‘Nobody can convert you to Hinduism, because it is not a religion, but a set of beliefs and practices. Everything is acceptable in Hinduism because there is no single authority or organization either to accept it or to reject it or to oppose it on behalf of Hinduism.’

I told her – if you look for meaning in life, don’t look for it in religions; don’t go from one cult to another or from one guru to the next. For a real seeker, I told her, the Bible itself gives guidelines when it says ‘Kingdom of God is within you.’

I reminded her of Christ’s teaching about the love that we have for each other. That is where you can find the meaning of life. Loving each and every creation of the God is absolute and real.

‘Isavasyamidam sarvam’ Isam (the God) is present (inhabits) here everywhere – nothing exists separate from the God, because God is present everywhere. Respect every living being and non-living things as God. That’s what Hinduism teaches you. Hinduism is referred to as Sanathana Dharma, the eternal faith. It is based on the practice of Dharma, the code of life. The most important aspect of Hinduism is being truthful to oneself.

Hinduism has no monopoly on ideas.- It is open to all. Hindus believe in one God (not a personal one) expressed in different forms. For them, God is timeless and formless entity. Ancestors of today’s Hindus believe in eternal truths and cosmic laws and these truths are opened to anyone who seeks them. But there is a Section of Hindus who are either superstitious or turned fanatic to make this an organized religion like others. The British coin the word ‘Hindu’ and considered it as a religion.

I said: ‘Religions have become an MLM (multi-level- marketing) industry that has been trying to expand the market share by conversion. The biggest business in today’s world is Spirituality. Hinduism is no exception’

I am a Hindu primarily because it professes Non-violence –’Ahimsa Paramo Dharma’ – Non violence is the highest duty. I am a Hindu because it doesn’t condition my mind with any faith system. A man/woman who changes his/her birth religion to another religion is a fake and does not value his/her morals, culture and values in life.

Hinduism was the first religion originated. Be proud of your religion and be proud of who you are.

Om Namo shiva…..

I….ME….. MYSELF (contd……)

I hate falling sick….. But the last few months have seen me more on bed than out of it…. I have been too busy falling sick. I am currently allergic to everything……. food, weather, the world, humanity, even life !!! I get all the weird infections I never knew even existed. I always make myself understand that since I have not fallen sick the last four years….. it is now payback time. It is actually amusing to think that we have to pay for everything in life. Life comes full circle.

I hate doctors too!!! Ya i am allergic to them as well!!! I think that they are actually first grade morons. They give you medication for everything and eventually something is finally going to tick. Why dont the morons actually find the root cause and get the whole thing done with instead of creating iatrogenic problems!!! but no they have to do the hafta vasooli!!! Why dont they actually make a fund (i really dont mind contributing) and when we get sick actually treat us for what we actually have rather than everything in general. The most common thing that I get from them these days is that we will admit you in the hospital. They actually say that for everything. Your fever not subsiding, you having something crazy etc etc. “we will observe you!!!” Man I hate getting OBSERVED. I really could do without it. It is actually scary. I have fallen sick manyatimes when I was a kid…… but never admitted. This is totally new to me….. for every dose of fever they actually give you a saline bottle like, when i visited the doctor after every injection they gave you a tofee or a lollipop. I really miss you doctor uncle.(Dr Karnik…. You are the best)

In navimumbai, getting malaria is actually getting baptized to the place. It is an absolutely common phenomenon. When I was was young the local GP gave me some pills and some liquids and I was back to my good old self in no time but now….. even fever asks for blood tests, and all the other path tests. ECG is a very very common thing. What happened to the good old doctors??? Has the education system got so dilapidated that they do not produce good doctors anymore??? maybe I should use the word honest here!!! You cannot blame them though.

Doctors today are competing with the engineers in terms of compensation. Though they put in the same amount of education (maybe even more) they really start earning very late in life whereas an engineer who takes lesser time to complete his education starts earning very early. Morever considering the internship involved after the degree and the years the doctors have to put in is also not at par with the others. After the whole education bandwagon they hardly earn anything whereas their peers in the engineering field, probably not so much better than them in academics, probably even worser than them earn much much more. Moreover taking into consideration the nature of the job involved, makes a person think twice before opting for the vocation. An engineer’s mistake in coding could amount to some loss in earnings of the company which could be paltry but a doctor’s mistake could cost somebody their dear life. No i dont blame the doctors. I really think that the whole education system should be reworked…. I really donno how but i think that it should allow for all the professions to be brought to some justification. We do need good doctors but people rarely go in for the vocation because of the time involved and the earnings. I know of doctors who make rounds from the morning to late at night….. and still they are self employed….. any mistake (occupational error) they are not even insured for the same.

As for me I really want to go back to my nice little cocooned life!!! I miss it so much….. Back to work and back to my old routine….. I honestly cant even fight with rajdeep as I used to….. I lose focus….. that being one of my most favoritest passions!!!….. he actually wins these days!!! I can even imagine him smirking at this thought……. but dont worry bugger every dog has a day….. it is yours now….. I will have the last laugh…. wait and watch!!! I will get well one day (wat was the saying about the mouse having a ball when the cat wasnt around) you win the battles i win the wars thing(I cant seem to remember which one was bigger…. whatever it is…… I win the bigger ones)

I even tried going for a holiday but nahhhh it didnt work either!!! All I wanted was to get back home and then my favorite…. THE DOCTORS!!! I really have to go back to ma’s place even if it for somedays. I need to get well and put the show back on the road. Durga Puja and my reunion this weekend will eventually take me there !!! I am definitely going….. I cant miss Durga Puja with Ma. But then again this year….. another problem…. havent yet got the clothes ready!!! have to get that done as well. I really could do with some respite from these illnesses. If Ma finds out me not having new clothes, I will be draped in sarees. I really cant imagine a worser predicament to my life….. sarees!!!….. yuck!!! I really cant carry off the nine yards cloth. I feel uncovered and most but not the least always in the fear that the whole thing could come off. No dont get me wrong, i do wear the nine yard. But I really could do without it. I dont really wear it unless punished…. I save it for my heritage trips to my inlaws at Kolkata. There I really cant not wear the nine yard. I must be using more than a dozen pins everytime I drape the nine yard.

Durga Puja the word itself brings a smile to my face. There is always excitement happiness and lots more….. Maybe I will dedicate an entire post to that. Right now just the thought of durga puja is something for me to look forward to. It is the only thing that is exciting – ofcourse my reunion this weekend as well. I will be meeting my classmates after such a long time. So many of them for the first time in years. I am really excited at the prospect. Really really looking forward to it. But with my luck and the adorable white coat monsters I donno if I will be able to make it…. I really do want to go!!! I am really praying that i can !!! amen to that !!!

I….. ME…… MYSELF

Last month i went into deep depression i say deep because i couldn’t fathom the depth….. I lost sleep (me losing sleep is something of the ninth wonder of the world as I am nicknamed sleeping beauty by all who know me and I love my sleep) and totally lost my sense of humor. Humor was the only thing that had kept me going for years. The ability to laugh at myself at any situation was the one thing that kept me going at all times in all the travails of my life. I did not really judge myself on a daily basis but when confronted by the situations i stopped and asked and then since i could not really do anything about it, I just went on with my life saying “who cares” in reality though “i did care”. I will probably never be able to get over some things in life and have a lot of hangups about others but the amazing thing of all of this was that i could laugh at myself and then move on. I lost that last month…..

It is not unnatural for people to go into depression but mine is unique as this happened after a very long time (and ofcourse there is my SLEEP) or i actually touched the depths again after five years…… not that it did not happen in the interim time. It did….. but this time i guess i felt more bad – about deceiving nature of people, hypocrisy, back biting all the vices put together and for the first time i had a glimpse of the other world and for the first time i wanted more. Normally i never bothered but this time donno why….. probably health conditions or whatever, i went into it…… resulting into more bad health and more problems. I take pride in being a person who could laugh through hormonal injections…. but this time i could not ignore the nagging issues. I never had insomnia before. I LOVE my sleep. It is really bad!!! and I sympathise with everybody who have it. It makes you MAD.

This phase stayed with me for a very long time……. all my hubby’s and family’s efforts to get me back to my normal life was in vain. The look just would not leave my eyes. It was almost opaque and lost. I really dont know if it is too much to ask for from life…. a little bit honesty, a little bit empathy, a little bit of tolerance…….. world is full of people of all kinds….. so to live in here u have to sometimes take a step backward, sometimes help others to take a step forward. That is all life is all about…. That is entirely my perception of how the world moves. But again i live in an insulated world….. I say what i believe in and do not do anything my conscience does not allow me to do….. I never have done in the past will never do so in the future…… guess i am wrong!!! I am not going to be all judgemental about people as i have no right in doing so. I normally see things in grey….. but then again as my hubby reminds me again and again i have the luxury to do so…. very few people have that……. i am lucky that my life has given me the luxury to decide what i want to do. Ya i am lucky….. so i guess it was all about self pity!!!! I…. ME…. MYSELF

Yesterday as i surfed channels I came accross some soaps and they were hilarious…. as usual i smiled and then i laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed!!! Then i cried and then again laughed!!! They maybe not so funny but i guess i had reached the wall and there was absolutely no way to go ahead so i came back. I really needed that. It felt nice and really good. Laughter is the one thing that life has to offer to you in terms of a breather from mundanity and anything else that is depressing. Laughter is an audible expression, or appearance of merriment or happiness, or an inward feeling of joy and pleasure. Laughter is a part of human behaviour regulated by the brain. So incase your brain short circuits – laugh. It really helps. Sometimes even false attempts at feeling happy and smiling help. You just have to convince yourself that one day you will be doing it for real. Sort of helps you to tide through the most difficult time. The keyword here is never giving up on yourself as that is the only thing anybody has. Nobody can help another unless they wish to help themselves.

Happiness in general is the element that never fails you. I am talking abt the happiness that emanates from within you…. your soul. It is peace that gives that to you, the way to reach your soul. So the path is to look within yourself, relax, declutter your thoughts, establish a chain of thought and then find the peace in that and then you really dont need soaps to make you laugh. That is a little difficult to achieve as right now my mind is cluttered but i am sure that i will do that as well. But in the mean time laugh with the soaps and honestly whatever works to tide you through the bad times is fine. But the final achievement is to achieve the peaceful happiness. My aunt looked once at me and said that “tui onek chonchol hoy gechish” i guess that said it all.

There is a lot of peace in routine. There is a chronological order in that and it always starts and stops in the same places…. no surprises!!!The whole problem comes in when there is a disturbance in the routine. You cant really avoid them. So I guess balancing both statements it is necessary that all disturbances and surprises be dealt with as though it is part of the routine. So when I ask somebody “hows life??” and they reply “usual” or “same boring”, I want to scream at them and tell them “you lucky dog you should appreciate what you have!!!” Boring is good !!! boring is soooooo goooood !!!!

I wont say i am back but i guess i have taken the first step towards life….. I think i could not have achieved this if i didnt wish to……. My ma always says laugh and talk “moner kalima muche jay” I totally agree ma!!!! you r the best and thanks for supporting me through all of this…. I couldnt have done this without you by my side!!! I guess that is what mothers are for. I cant live without mine and everytime i have a problem i no there is somebody in this world i can turn to for sure…. of course there is Rajdeep. 🙂 .

As the song goes “zindagi aa raha hoon main”

Moral of the story : keep away from self obsessed worms and creeps and all insects of the world and if u have to, carry an insect repellant or better still apply an insect repellant so that no insects can harm you, Prioritise and last but not the least laugh everyday!!! and very important “SLEEP” (I couldnt forget that !!!)