5 Black Things that I want.

Black is a forbidden color in my family. As a child I was never allowed to wear black in festivals and functions. It is considered a sad inauspicious color. In my mums language “It spells doom”  😀  I have never been allowed to wear it. So for me it has always been a coveted color. The times that i have thrown tantrums and rebelled for that perfect black dress…… only to be allowed a very dark blue…… but never black.

After I got married I have wanted to change things but never really got around to getting the “black dress” as I never really had a place to wear it. My mum and in laws would have banned me at any social occasion. I found it a very trivial topic to cause grief so it is still on my wish list…… since for like “forever”…… Hence my first really coveted Black thing would be a black dress.

The second is really easy. Black Stilettos to go with that perfect black dress. I have never had really really high stilettos. The max that I could get into were 4 inch pumps. Stilettos are really sexy stuff especially the Jimmy Choo ones. I’ve had my eye on the one that I want since a very long time.

The third black thing is a black box. I have wanted a black box for my camera and photography equipment since a very long time. Actually I think that it would top my black list. Especially in monsoons when the humidity is very high I live on the edge wondering what happens to my lenses and mount. A black box would really put my fears at rest. At other times I live in fear that all my photography equipment and external hard disks would get a  fungal attack.

The fourth black item on my list is black roses. I really really want to photograph black roses. I have never seen them in real and quite frankly I don’t think they exist…… but I am pretty sure that I could photoshop some dark red roses to black ones. I want to take pictures of fully bloomed dark black roses with lovely whorls of glossy black petals. Of late i have been totally enamored with black and white photography and the chance to photograph black roses has been a dream.

The thing about black and white photography is that it bares the skeleton of the photograph with out the frills of color only to reveal the stark beauty of the subject and virtually no photoshop involved. I have looked long for the really dark red roses at the florist only to be grossly disappointed. In the end I have planted my own. The ones at the florist gave me a grey touch. They aren’t black enough. I have the first batch of buds come and I took some shots to confirm that I got the color right. Now all I have to do is wait for them to fully bloom and hope that the rose doesn’t lose the color else I am back to my list. (The pics of the bud that I posted at the start of the post are the ones that I took today)

The fifth and last black item on my list is of course the “coveted by all” black diamond 😀  😀  😀  After all diamonds are a girls best friend. It is definitely the most must have on my list or may be it is the black box which i need so badly………. Needs and wants…….Well this is gonna take “forever” to decide !!!

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

If you had the power to get somewhere where would you go right now?

Memories are tricky things. Bad memories can take us to a place where we are uncomfortable and unsafe……  whereas a Good and Beautiful memory can take us to a place where we not only feel safe but also it is something that stands out in the course of our life.

In my case some of my best memories are at the fort of Sinhagad,  in the outskirts of  Pune.  The winding lanes leading to the fort are lined with little yellow and orange wild flowers. So much that from far it looks like a carpet of yellow and orange. The low clouds touch your hair as you drive up the lanes. The cold wet feeling of having them over your face  is a wonderful feeling. Then comes the lovely trek up the fort…… Yeah it is tiring but reaching on top is worth every drop of sweat. By the time you are on the top you have the blood pounding in your ears. You stop awhile to catch your breath and take a small break and drink the cool clear water from the well and then look down to the beauty of the city way below you.

Everything seems so small and inconsequential at that moment. No problem or worry seems too big that it cant be handled. You feel invincible…… you can do anything. The moment of peace envelops you and you feel calm. Thats the feeling everytime…… every single time.

That moment when all the sounds in your mind stop and you can not really speaking hear anything, is what I try to capture. I dont really have any thoughts passing through my mind at that moment….. just a sense of stillness. Nothing seems to matter at that moment. I get that feeling every single time I have been there.

I havent been to sinhagad in a very long time now…… almost a decade plus……. now that I go back and calculate. Guess I have to rectify that before long.  With the industrialisation and IT boom in my city there has been a total geographic and demographic change in the city and the outlook of the people of the city. I doubt whether things are still the same….. or is it just me who has gotten older, bitter and disillusioned.

Sinhagad has been and will be for more years than any person living right now on earth.  Only people change around it.  A new generation looking for peace and solace like I did years before…… I hope they find it as I did and still do!!!

 

 

Fusion music

I love music of any kind and creed no language barriers. I am especially partial to Indian folk. I simply love folk. Bengali folk is my favorite: The bhatialis and Bouls. The coke studio @ MTV is something that was probably made for the likes of me. Especially this fusion number…… I have always been a fan of bihu and Bhupen Hazarika but this song has made me a total fan of Khagen Gogoi as well. I have no idea what he is singing about but the music is wonderful!!! It feels like the fresh wind from the hills. It is sooo soft with no edges it is fluid!!! soft smooth and extremely curvy no bones!!! The sounds of drums with dhol and kartal flute and gogona. Simply mind blowing !!!! You can almost see the women dancing the bihu to this number!!!

The Bhatiali fusion with Majhi re was also good but could have been better!!! The others were also good…… also liked the fusion of qawwali but this was my favoritest!!! I watched the others tapped feet on some but with this one I danced!!!

Carpet and mask cleaning.

Carpets are one of the best things invented by man. Since carpets you dont really need to have very good flooring for your home for it to look good. You just throw in a carpet. Carpets come wide varieties: the silk ones, the woolen ones, the plastic ones, or simple cotton ones, or the more expensive persian ones.

It takes a very long time and thought to choose the right carpet for your home. You not only have to take into account the aesthetic tastes of all the family members but also the best thing that you can easily maintain which also takes least maintenance. The best thing about having a carpet is that you dont really need to clean your house on a daily basis. You just as in the proverb push things under the carpet and your house looks beautiful.

The carpet therefore not only minimises the everyday hassle of cleaning the house and making it look beautiful it is also a store room for a lot of dust and germs and lots of other bad stuff that you keep putting on your to do list to clean up…… eventually….. Some day!!! Until members of your family eventually start having problems with your precious carpet. You either wait for your customary spring cleaning or just a quick dust or a quick surface vaccuum which does eliminate the dust from the surface but the ones that have penetrated deep into the carpet stay right there….. they just stay there and slowly you have colonies of germs in your home. Ultimately that one precious carpet renders your whole home unhygienic and even if you throw away the carpet the damage done to your entire home is already done and you really cant undo that.

Human beings do the same things with masks that they wear to sometimes cover their true emotions/nature, sometimes to be amiable to masses around you, and sometimes to just avoid controversies, sometimes just for the heck of it so that nobody around your bothers you and peace reigns. Evenutally the spring cleaning dwindles down to the time when you hardly address your problems and either postpone it or just dont give any credit to it. Until your psychological problems start manifesting itself physically and you just have to address them or face the fear of a complete breakdown.

The edge is so sharp that you really cant not cut yourself and even if you actually do address them you really have to face so much that rediscovering yourself itself is an effort because until then you will have changed and you have a serious identity crisis. You cant start afresh by not cleaning up the already accumulated dirt. The forgotten dirt always catches up.

Rediscovering yourself is a pain, a big time effort. What you find in the end might scare you to death. It requires hell of a lot of patience and super human support from the masses around you. One mistake in judging what you are could crumble the whole carpeted person up totally. The person becomes so sensitive to judgments that even a judgemental eye could do a lot of damage and the self confidence really really needs to be worked upon. What you need at these times is unconditional love and support.

The most important lesson that I learnt of it is that I really have to understand my limitations at all times and whatever be the case I really have to be happy with what I really am……. irrespective of any person’s views about me. I actually discovered that: I am a nice person……. contrary to what I believed all these years and what others made me believe all these years. I hate being a phoenix every few years but this time I realised that when it is dark that is only me to hold my own hand though i had hubby’s voice directing me to where i could go. Even then the choice was mine as to where I went. I hit my back to the wall….. atleast what i thought was a wall….. I can only go forward now. I wont use a carpet again….. atleast that is my conviction today…… people can accept me as I am or go to hell!!!

Me’s back!!!

I finally returned home. I am glad. Singapore is a fabulous place to live in BUT something really strange happened when the flight took off from Singapore I looked at hubs and said: “I already forgot Singapore”. He thought I was strange and looked at me as though i had developed horns but when we landed at Mumbai, he realised what i meant. It felt as if i had never left. Its good to be home at last.

Coming home meant getting pampered fullto, settling down, and this you wont believe: eating begun bhajas EVERYDAY since i came. It is like coming to heaven…….. although the heaven is really short……. no grossly short of water supply. As they say kisiko mukkamil jahan nahi milta…… kiskiko pani to kisiko begun bhaja nahi milta!!! I have settled with the latter and am mighty pleased with my choice. I am totally into the enjoy it till it lasts kind of thing who knows where i have to go next. Specially with hubby playing passport passport and visa visa all over again. I don’t even want to know where when etc etc. When i go I will go till then it is Begun bhaja festival.

Spending some real quality time with my nieces. All these years I came and left and again came and left never really talking to them. This is the first time i came and talked unlike the other times when i came, played Santa, gave gift, got hug, and left. This time I got some real OMG stories. It kind of left me open mouthed…… really big time open mouthed and hubby grinning like a Cheshire cat…… he looks like garfield these days especially when he looks at me.

I have always been proud of the fact that my school though it did not produce Einsteins, it did produce some real good people and though our teachers were not the best they were ok. Specially with regard to dabbas!!! All through my tenure in school, I have never ever eaten anybody’s tiffin. I always stuck to what my ma gave me for lunch and ate just that, hubs on the other hand can write a whole dissertation with detailed analysis on who brought what in the tiffins and also when and why. Sometimes the details he goes into tiffins is totally astonishing!!!!

During the rains, to prevent the kids from getting wet and playing in the rain my school has this policy of all the kids eating their food in class at their desk and a particular teacher eating with them so that they can be monitored. My niece comes up with this incident that a certain teacher at her school (incidently she taught me as well as my older two sisters) everyday brought an empty tiffin box and then asked the students to share their food with her. She then went round and took whatever she liked from the students tiffin and ate it. She is especially partial to sweets. So if the mother has packed a pastry for her daughter, the daughter never got to eat it. In some cases the daughter also goes hungry unless her friends have shared their food with her. The teacher meticulously shortlists the tiffins she likes and those kids are at her brunt everyday. “XYZ what did your mother give you today?” So much that my niece says that she carries two tiffins and she has her favorite food in the short break and the other tiffin with not so favorite food in the lunch break which she can display to the teacher.

She said she had gone hungry many days after which my sister has started packing not-so-interesting food for her. I was totally open mouthed after listening to this story with popping eyes et al. Hubby on the other hand is totally motivated and is seriously considering a career change. So these days the kids are totally terrified when the said teacher walks in during the lunch break……

Gawwwd how disgusting can a teacher get!!! I am still wondering whether this is a perk that teachers get for teaching or if teachers salaries are getting really low or this particular teacher is getting the kids to diet or her favorite movie is bhootnath and she is taking the movie really really seriously or it is a case of a really really hungry teacher or she is trying to teach the kids something…….. I wonder what that is???………. still wondering!!!!!

When I was ten and six

Lately all the posts in my blog have become nothing short of emotional atyachaar…. so I took a cue from NaBloPo and its daily topics for the month of June and this is the best topic that I could think of. If you could go back in time and meet your 16-year old self, what three things would you tell yourself?

If I had to go back in time and meet my 16-year-old self….. I would have been in the twelfth standard in St Mira’s College….. almost a purani jeans and guitar moment. Those days life was FULL up to the brim and very very interesting…. too interesting if I look at it from my Ma’s point of view.

At sixteen Life had:

Too much ambition.

New found freedom.

Lots and lots of laughter and giggling.

Experimenting with EVERYTHING.

Living and sleeping in jeans and skirts and wearing Dad’s shirts….. especially the ones he ironed the night before to wear to work….. which he absolutely hated!!!

It was the time for: Friends, making groups….. breaking them. Talking about boys all the day until you almost puked….. yeah that much….. and I did puke at the end of the day…… Each person writing a dissertation on their current love and the loss of past love!!! Man it changed very often…… used to have a hard time keeping track of everybody’s……. Flavour of the month.

Sixteen was also the era of getting proposed to almost every day with flowers, letters written in blood or maybe red ink, teddies and a wide paraphernalia of things…… usually fighting back…… slapping….. beating them……. eating flowers and becoming a walking talking paper shredder machine, specialising in shredding letters and cards into very very tiny minute particles and then blowing them in the air. Believe me the whole experience was quite traumatic causing me to stay indoors at home for days ultimately being thrown out by dad.

Bunking college and spending days in college canteen gorging on vada pavs and vada sambars or experimenting with henna designs on each other’s palms and hair styles (mine was a ladies college)

First time copying from chits in the surprise (or surprise for us as we were busy bunking) tutorials and then throwing shoes out of the window and then jumping off the window to catch the train….. the shoes first because that’s where the chits were. Using the window more than the door to leave the class.

Sitting in the last bench in class and singing songs or writing poetry or sketching and giving lots and lots of grief to the teachers.

Spending the whole of sanctuary sketching on each other’s palms or tying up two random girls’ dupatta with each other or braiding their hair together or writing notes to each other with the background music of Keshava Madhava or aye malik tere bande hum.

Bunking classes and running in the tracks to catch the 245 local and then alighting at Shivajinagar and then taking the return local back to Pune at 330 and then finally going home in the same local at 450…… our scheduled time.

It was also my first exposure to the world of electronics and telecommunication. My friend’s pa had banned her from making phone calls so we used to join wires and then make calls and then again replace the phone to its broken self. There were these one rupee telephone booths at Pune station which often malfunctioned and we could make free calls for hours….. we did not even have to insert a coin. It was like our own private hotline. Very often we used to have some person threatening another on the phone next to us…… usually had to with some girl. We also gave a lot of blank calls to all our dushman….. and sometimes to some of our could-be friends as well.

At 16 padyatra was the call of the day…… I walked and walked and walked and walked First from home to Khadki station then Pune station via tracks to Koregaon Park…. to college then to work in Camp and then from Camp to Pune station and since I was in marketing all over again everywhere. Considering that pocket-money was so less, auto rickshaws was a status symbol something I could not afford.

Covering our faces while going to the theatres to catch the movies…… lest someone recognised us.

At 16 I had my first job….. financial independence.

First love……. first break-up…… first heart-break!!!!

Read books and more books and lots more after that….. all kinds of them……. Sometimes even read more than two a day. Read my first and last science fiction and totally hated it.

16 was also the time for serious studying…… slaving over economics and accountancy…… what saved the day for me was Subodh classes’ 99 test series and French and English. I wouldn’t have scored above average without these factors.

At 16 studying was usually done in Pune University main building or lawns or in the Sanskrit section because nobody went there those days. My home would be full of my sister’s friends and lots of clutter for her impending wedding causing havoc in my study pattern eventually started studying with the radio in full blast.

16 was also the first time I went to sinhagad for the first time and instantly fell in love with it.

Age 16 witnessed my oldest sister’s wedding….. my first experience at event management….. loved every moment of it….. also witnessed a Bengali wedding for the first time in my life.

Me having some or the other issues and refusing to go back to college or stepping our of home and dad threatening me with dire consequences and repeatedly telling me the importance of education and importance of career.

16 was rebelling……. rebelling against everything and anything that came before me. Lots of screaming and shouting at home……. Ma and Pa getting lots and lots of grey hair. The only thing I spoke at home were: I don’t know, I didn’t do it, I cant do it, I wont do it, I am hungry…… anything else and Ma and Pa would have a heart attack. Eventually Ma started using reverse psychology to get me to do things.

16 was sleeping lots and lots of sleeping so much that Ma had to throw me out of the bed each day and Dad gave me a lecture on sleeping each and every waking hour even when I was awake eventually I decided if I had to take it, I might as well do the bad deed.

16 was also the time when Ma scrutinised each and every male friend of mine and froze most of them. Every Sunday along with the oil head massage I also had to listen to Ma’s speech on the virtue of women…… typical Sulochana and Nirupa Roy style…… well it worked….. it kept me straight.

16 was not worrying about weight and eating everything and doing everything.

If I had to go back and tell something to myself it would be……. Great going…… You re the best!!!!

I wouldn’t want to change a thing or do anything any differently for those days then made me what I am now and waise bhi do sixteen year olds even listen???

Kaaash……. Only IF

Don’t you wish for things……. sometimes impossible but you keep hoping that only if….. I do that very often. I keep hoping for things impossible. I am not going to talk about macro stuff like world peace or anything or the sort……. that I think is tooooo impossible. I am talking about the very minuscule atomic world that is mine and mine only.

People who have read my posts earlier will know what is coming……. I wish I had wings. My school friends had a get together this weekend and this is the first time that I am missing. I sooooo miss not meeting them. Every time we meet we have a blast. The plus thing of the whole occasion is that most of us don’t have any hang-ups or show offs or anything of the sort. It is just all of us meeting up to have a great time and just having a blast. Just unadulterated fun!!!!

Ever since the first meet, I keep looking forward to these get togethers. What makes this special is the bond we have. Though we don’t keep in touch with each other over long periods…… though we come from different fields, the fact that we studied in the same school for 12 years makes the bond very special. The values imbibed into us by the nuns of the school have stayed with each one of us and underneath all of it we are still the same we were years back in school though one sentiment that we all have in common is that…… we are all glad that school is over.

The picture that has been coming to my mind over and over again are of the pink flamingos……. In my blog that is the most cliched of all things but I cant help it.

The whole of last week the Kash….. Only IF sentiment was for samosas and jalebis and aloo chaat and tamrind chutney and pani puri. This is something so common in India available in just about every nukkad but here it takes two train changes and loads and loads of walking to eat just one of these. The frustration grew so much that I was ultimately on the verge of actually making it…… you have no idea what amount of frustration caused it especially because I don’t like cooking and for God’s sake……. who makes samosas at home and that too for two people???? you just pop into a halwai and get two of them.

I even tried the local eateries here which sell everything from frog legs to everything……. I have been quite terrified of these places lest I would end up eating something like frog leg pakoda or cockroach/grasshopper fritters!!!!! ultimately hubbzzzz tired of the pining changed the trains and did the walking and got me the whole assortment from sarvanna bhavan. I also got two dabbas of rasgolla and gulab jamun. But the interim period was crazy……. I could visualise samosas everywhere. I haven’t yet got the jalebi and chaat but the craving has gone!!!

The people here are very health conscious that’s really good but kya kare I cant drink unsweetened and unflavored soy milk and need my dose of sugar and boiled CTC tea. The sugar here is not sweet and when i first came here i used four packs of earl grey tea and six satches of sugar for one cup of tea….. phir bhi no taste…… and the coffee……. kya batau……. allah!!!! khud samaj jao. I went off the coffee and the tea for a whole month until i finally found my cherished red label CTC tea.

My cousin who drinks only Darjeeling and green tea says that CTC is the worst kind of tea and tea should not be boiled……. boiling makes it acidic and bad for health. I tried her version of tea and believe me I would rather go off it that have that pitiable concoction of flavoured hot water.

Coming back to the only IF…… Ma had the annual Akshay tritiya function and as usual I missed it. My whole family and mum dad’s friends were there. A gala affair. At times such as these I wish I had wings so I could go home just for the moment and then come back to my life. Just another Only IF……….. The feeling is so great sometimes that I think that if I just move my arms I will start flying…….

People say the mind can travel places and people can actually see happenings of far away places….. Maaannn ki ankhen. I can think of a lot of jokes on this one. I wonder whether something like this can actually happen…… maybe that is the next best alternative……. after all I cant grow wings…… tooo late……. maybe next time!!!! but after having seen these beauties close upfront…… I honestly wish I was a flamingo…….. but they have very bad voices…….. screeching, shrill very ear piercing voices BUT they have wings!!!! lovely pink wings!!!……… I should stick to the mannn ki ankhen!!!!!

The Movers and The Packers

Its been such a long time since I actually sat down and wrote. One of the longest blog sabbaticals since I started blogging.

Life for me has been too unpredictable this last year and the last few months have been total roller coaster ride with Hubzz…. so much that we don’t even dare plan the next meal lest it goes awry again….. just taking life as it comes.

So many things have happened that organizing all the the events and putting all of them to a logical order is going to take a lot of time. For the present I am home back to Pune……. not visiting this time but we actually moved….. LOCK STOCK and BARREL. The dreaded 2009 ended with me totally uprooting myself from Mumbai….. back home to the land I was born and grew up……. yet strangely it feels so unfamiliar….. When I think of home these days, it is my home in Mumbai which i so painstakingly created that I think of. Here living in a rented apartment…. very close to Ma and all my family it seems different. Things have changed so much here. At times I have to remind myself that this is where I grew up.

On my short trips to Pune which usually lasted for a day or two things were different but actually living here is much more different….. you interact on a more baser level your entire perception is totally different now. So what was that that I longed to come to…… A MIRAGE???

Packing and unpacking has been a terror. The movers and packers truly moved my life…… they moved me to TEARS!!! My whole life was packed in 15 cartons and 84 packages. The memories of my life in Mumbai…… I haven’t counted!!! I have collected so much junk over the past decade both material and emotional that putting all that out of my life is going to be an effort…… the cleanliness and organizing freak in me is crying out with joy but also making me burn innumerable candles in all the ends not to mention my arthritic hands and legs which scream out now and then but now I have learned to ignore the pain. For me I just have to scream out and my whole family will be here organizing things for me…… but ten years on my own I am resisting the urge. I am finally kindof organized and even have internet which is the last stop at kindof organized.

The weather here is a JOY!!! I had totally forgotten what winter was all about. Its like an unending holiday. The first week I shifted I was wearing a sweater all day. Now I just smile…… I have longed for winter for years now I finally have it!!! In Mumbai it is only the one glorious hour in the morning that reminds you that it is winter and if you have overslept….. you have missed it.

It was very painful to leave my home. I had created it brick by brick and the last few years it was my haven and my joy. It wasn’t well endowed like the museum pieces we see in the magazines but it was cozy and most important it was mine. When the Packers moved out it looked totally bare and forlorn. I could not help but mourn about it. But the last year has taught me that looking back will only cause you pain. So I chinned up and walked out promising my home a better tomorrow as I promised myself the same.

Moving my bike to Pune was a JOY….. nope that is an understatement it was pure unadulterated BLISSSSSS!!! After years I again drove down all alone to Pune from Mumbai. Since I got sick just managing my hands and legs was an effort so driving all the way to Pune from Mumbai was pure bliss. It was like as if I got back my freedom and I could fly again……. nothing in life compares to the happiness I felt while tackling the ghats. I wont get into similes and metaphors but just that after years I felt that my clipped wings had its power again. Traveling in Mumbai locals i used to feel like the chicken in their coup before being slaughtered. The solo drive back home on my bike was HEAVEN like the flamingos. Of course I did have Hubzzz on my tail continuously giving me “INSTRUCTIONS” but since he was in the tin ka dabba…. alias CAR….. it was not difficult to lose him or the cell just not working :-D. I am a veteran at two wheelers……… I don’t need instructions!!!!

All in all the move is good!!! I meet Ma and Pa EVERYDAY…… and now I can celebrate all functions and festivals with my family. I don’t need to call my sisters just drop in on them. I spend quality time with Hubzz (his place of work is only 10 mins away unlike the three local train changes and two and half hours one way in Mumbai) and Parents and my sisters and nieces (I had forgotten what it was to be the youngest in the family) and most important I am HOME…… where I belong!!!

The thing called Love

Nope I am not going to psycho-analyze this feeling nor try to reason with it or reason it out. Its just that today when I was reading Anuja’s post I was transported to those days back in college when we all had this huge list of what we wanted in our husbands/boyfriends. Some of the points included not much older than us and he should have lots of money, also he should understand us, have lots of time for us, love us lots, good looking, romantic, sense of humor, clean, never stink etc etc…… The list is too long.

Once when we were at my friend’s house and we were discussing our rather long lists and each one adding to the list and never even remotely finding a candidate for the same, we chanced upon my friend’s mom who was secretly watching us and smiling. She intervened at this juncture and told us we would have to marry somebody who was retired because only they would have lots of money lots of time and lots of love and nothing to do so also romance us!!!!

Today I remembered aunty and it made me smile. We have all come a long way since that day. Just a reminder of the old days is a song by Pankaj Udhas from the album Aman. Those days it was our dream that somebody would croon this song to us….. all the time looking adoringly at us. There was nothing more romantic as a piano.

Most of us got married to people who were technically Aurangzebs as far as music goes. If they are not Auranzebs they don’t have the time to look into eyes unless it is the case of an eye infection.

Well as for me I am totally predictable. If anybody ever sang the song for me I would first smile then say “Waise to you sang beautifully and I am really impressed BUT some points you might want to consider in your future endeavors”:
1. Your song lacked FEELING!!! It was grossly missing so the song had no…… SOUL.
2. The song went totally flat in the antara and your voice went shrill in the top notes.
3. Abe apne aap ko Mukesh ki aulad samajhta hai kya??? (like lots of others) Nasal tone mein kyu gata hai?

Result: Hubs never sings for me and like my friend Pankaj the only time I look into eyes is when there is a case of infection :-). (notwithstanding the fact that he is an ophthalmologist…… he is sooooooo going to kill me…….. and to think he just started to read my blog!!! 😀 )

Today after reading Anuja’s post i was transported back to those days and the song came hauntingly back to me to add to it there was the rain (my favorite season), nothing constructive to do, and memories of days gone by coming back.

Today I am leaving you with Pankaj Udhas at his best and a duet by Phalguni Pathak and Bombay vikings. The songs are simply beautiful. Abhi ghar na jana is a beautiful song. I haven’t yet found any song that even closely resembles something so beautiful. My all time most favoritest song. It captures the essence of romance. Love can’t get any better than this!!! enjoy!!!

Abhi ghar na jana by Pankaj Udhas

Phalguni and Bombay Vikings crooning to Tera Mera pyar sanam!!!

Little mermaid finds her legs

Today I totally and completely know what Ariel (the little mermaid) felt when she finally found LEGS. I am finally (as Sucharita said) DE-CASTED!!!! It is truly priceless having your own legs and walking on them. Today that fairy tale by Hans Andersen has new meaning for me. I actually identify with it.

The doc finally said that my feet were good and I could walk without a cast. When he cut open the cast I was actually staring at my legs when the doc said “Yes they are your feet….. totally yours”. It is actually a relief. The best compliment that I got from the doc was that: “You took good care of it. I didn’t think you would!!!” I couldn’t help smiling and I kept smiling all the way home.

It was a rough path especially with the heat et al but finally in the end I don’t really hate the cast. I discovered a lot of new things about moi and about hubs. I thought that the whole thing will be a total nightmare but it was actually quite the reverse. After the initial setback I actually enjoyed myself – reading, studying and doing all things that I haven’t done in a very long time. I don’t even hate the cast so much. Contrary to what I had decided about having a funeral for the cast and BUTCHERING it. I actually felt no animosity towards it. After all it helped me stand on my own feet. I am actually missing it. It stayed with me day and night for one month……. almost part of me!!! The cast grew on me and contrary to what I thought….. I am missing it!!!!

I think as far as I can remember this was the only actual holiday that I had ALL MY LIFE. No, I am not exaggerating because all my holidays in school and out of it have been work and work and work. Some or the other kind of work. There was always a schedule to follow to live up to and jobs to be completed. Some or the other kind of social talk or stuff like that. This is the first time when nothing was expected of me…….. nothing at all and I could just do what I wanted resultant I actually could do a lot of things that I’ve wanted to do but felt incapacitated to do especially studying.

Most of my friends…… nope all of them called up some time or the other. So I could get back to family and friends and do all the catching up that I wanted. Sometimes setbacks like these make you realize that you have very good friends and family even neighbors!!! I never thought my neighbors even bothered about whether or not I existed…… I was pleasantly surprised.

The best part of the whole episode was that I learnt that the art of forgiving is not beyond me and even I can live in the paradise of sacrifice and I am not such a self obsessed character that I presume myself to be.

As far as hubs was concerned I always thought that I could wheedle him to doing anything but the way the guy put his foot down when I wanted to cut off the cast was simply amazing. I used every ruse in and out of the book to get out of the cast. I cried heart rending sobs, screamed, bribed him, threatened him, everything in and out of the book……… my very strict and usually heartless dad also conceded and told me to get rid of it if it was troubling me that much. He even had tears in his eyes but not hubs he just put his foot down and said that: “the cast would remain”.

Ma and sis were more sweet they kept telling me just one more day…… don’t look at the whole picture just another day and so on and so forth but not hubs. He said the cast will remain for a month so brace yourself and get books to read or do anything but the cast remains. I totally hated him at that time. I have honestly not seen hubs like this before. He is usually very sweet.

The lesson that I learnt from the fracture episode is that I am taking life slowly and steadily and I am not going to let anything get in way of my peace. It is a resolution which I intend to keep. I realized that in my quest for bigger truths I am letting small things get away from me…… not that I am able to complete the bigger picture either. Just another lost case. So I am taking things slowly this time. Believe me when I say that this is going to be one hell of a herculean task for me but not impossible.

As for me right now I can’t still walk steadily and just like Ariel (little mermaid) I have pin pricks every time I put weight on my leg. Legs are really precious!!! The doc has advised another BE-CAREFUL month and still on pain killers also no gymming for sometime.

I am posting a video of one of my favorite songs. I have been humming it since morning…….. hope you enjoy it as much as I do!!! It is a very beautiful song!!! So for you “I SWEAR” by John Montgomery